Love's To Blame
by BethanyAliceC
Summary: Songfic. How could the same person be completely different? Sometimes it was hard, being together, loving each other this way. Alisha/Present Simon. Mention of Alisha/Future Simon.


**AN:** This is set a couple of months after the Christmas special and switches between Alisha's and Simon's point of view.

The lyrics are from "Love's to Blame" by Joel & Luke. You don't have to listen to the song, but it might help to get the mood of the story :)

* * *

_And time and time  
a prayer through my thoughts  
not certain if the end was right or wrong  
and whether we still should be together  
or with somebody else_

Alisha locked the door behind her as she set off for home. She let her mind wander free as her feet beat a steady rhythm on the concrete, her thoughts drifting off ahead of her. She was thinking about _him_ when she looked up at the warehouse to her right, the place she had lost future Simon, _her_ Simon.

This was the first time she had walked this way, down this path after all these months and she could feel the tears start to well up in her eyes. She used to walk this way all the time, but she had avoided it ever since that night. She's supposed to be happy now, she has Simon, and the time to be with him.

But Alisha can't just forget about him. The_ other_ him. She remembers holding him as he breathed his last. She remembers pleading with him, begging him to stay for her, for them, while his life blood warmed her hands. His eyes, once such a bright blue, had glazed over and he was gone.

How could the same person be completely different? Sure there were some basic similarities, but everyday she seemed to be noticing more differences. No matter how much she pushed and prompted Simon, encouraged him, _loved_ him, she couldn't force him into being the man, the hero, she had grown to love. It wasn't fair.

_A lost memory she had water in her eyes  
she cried stay with me  
and how can this be love if you're leaving me  
but darling love's to blame_

Simon can see it, feel it, every time she looks at him, speaks to him, even when she's making love to him. There's no escaping it. He always wanted to be seen, wanted to be noticed for _once _in his life by someone as beautiful and kind as Alisha. He wanted to be special, to be loved.

But now he feels like he's living in his own huge shadow. Alisha loves the future version Simon, and he just fills the Simon-shaped void he left behind in her heart. He tried, God knows Simon tried _so hard_ to be what she wanted, what she needed. And he thought he was succeeding too. The cuts and bruises got less over time, and his progress in the bedroom was ever increasing.

But there always seemed to be something missing, something that would make Alisha go quiet and smile that small, sad smile of hers that Simon had grown to loathe. He would never be able to live up to the Simon who had gone and rewritten time itself regardless of the consequences, and given his own life for _her_ life, for her love.

_And I can't see you right now  
because my heart just can't take it  
can't be near you right now  
cause I know you're no longer mine  
I can't see you_

She walks into the flat,_ his_ flat, all smiles and sunshine. But when he looks close enough he can still see the sorrow that still lurks in the depths of her eyes, the woodenness in her big smile, the brief hesitation as she sees him before she walks across the room to face him. He doesn't have the strength to do this anymore.

Seeing his expression, Alisha simply quirks an eyebrow at him, and she does what she knows best. Her small hands snake around his neck, still hesitant somehow even though it's been months since she hurt someone through her touch alone. She smiles at him again, and this time it seems more _real_, or maybe that's just because he wants it to be.

Her lips meet his and Simon allows himself this brief second, this one last moment of make believe for both their sakes. He kisses her back softly, memorising the feel, the taste of her, trying to show her without words what he feels before he pulls away with a sad smile of his own.

_It makes me ache that we had to break  
even though I knew your heart so well  
we're strangers in different places  
though we live a mile apart_

"What do you mean it's_ over_?" She couldn't lose him again. Not like this. He had come back for her, died for her, and now he just wanted to pack it in? What about this epic, fairytale love she was promised? It had only been a few months. They hadn't even made it to Vegas!

"I'm sorry but I can't keep doing this Alisha, I can't keep pretend to be _him_. Why can't you see me, the real me that's standing right here? I love you, but I can't share you anymore." Simon had never loved someone so much, but he couldn't keep hurting himself, hurting both of them, like this. It wasn't fair.

"But he's you! Your him! You're the same person!" He had to see it, he wasn't there yet but maybe one day Simon would turn into the Simon Alisha remembers him as, the one who first stole her heart.

"That's a lie and we both know it. I might have been him, once, but he came back and changed that. _We _changed that. Goodbye, Alisha."

_Maybe time will heal our hearts  
and maybe after time you'll understand  
I said goodbye but I love you_

"Yeah, well fuck you then! Just leave, get out, GO!" She wouldn't let this hurt her. She was stronger and wiser than she was before. Her heart had already been broken, she had felt so much pain over Simon before, and compared to that this should be no big deal. So then why did it hurt so much?

Simon left the flat without a second glance. He had made the decision, and if he looked at her right now he would change his mind. It may hurt right now, but it would be for the best. Once Alisha had properly moved on, then maybe. God did he hope they had a chance at this. She brought out the best in him. She was the Lois Lane to his Clark Kent.

_and I can't see you right now  
cause my heart just can't take it  
can't be near you right now  
because I know you're no longer mine_

Alisha sat down in the middle of the bed, her blurry eyes fixed on the door. He had to come back, he _always_ came back for her. She just had to wait for him, they had fought before, nobody was perfect, and they always made up. He didn't mean what he said. He couldn't have. It was only when her phone beeped with an obnoxious text from Nathan that she allowed herself to breakdown and cry._ He wasn't coming back._

* * *

Thanks for reading :)

What did you think for a first attempt? Reviews are gratefully accepted.


End file.
